In the New York Times last week there was a very brave article entitled "Defriending My Rapist." You can and should read the article for yourself at the Opinionator, but the gist of it is this: at the age of thirteen, the author was brutally raped by four boys from her school. Thirty-eight years later, Facebook recommends she friend one of her rapists (the ringleader). Prodded on by curiosity, she does. To find out more about her reactions to this uniquely 21st century situation, I highly recommend you read the entire piece - I will not be able to do it justice here. Suffice it to say, it is a very insightful piece, and particularly instructive for those of us who respond to rape disclosures. The writer, like many young women, blames herself for her own rape: for wearing a low-cut top, for acting more confident than she felt - "With a child’s logic," she says, "I figured the boys thought I wasn’t a virgin because of my sexy shirt." You can hear the subtle chiding in her voice toward her childhood self, for this lapse in logic, this capitulation to rape culture and victim-blaming. Yet later, when she confronts her rapist via a private Facebook message she repeats a similar theme: "I hope that night has haunted you. I was naïve and a virgin." Even after years of therapy, this woman still feels compelled to point out to her rapists that she was not "experienced," that in fact she was a virgin, in effort to convey to him the seriousness of his crime. That our culture of victim-blaming is so pervasive that even survivors themselves fall victim to it should give us all pause. This is a young woman who was held down and raped by four men. She was a virgin. She screamed.  She was the textbook definition of everything a society thinks of as a "acceptable" victim of rape (you know, aside from the low-cut sparkly top and the fact that she drank some rum), and yet she still blamed herself because she was wearing a shirt that might have made them assume she wasn't a virgin. Indeed, years later, she uses the fact that she was a virgin to emphasize the severity of the crime to her own rapist.

At thirteen years old, this young woman had been exposed to enough of rape culture to think that she had asked for it (and who can blame her, when so many people's reaction would have been to make note of what she was wearing, of whether or not she had been drinking). She knew enough to not want to tell anyone, because she thought she would be shunned at school (and who can blame her, when so many people's reaction is to say "are you sure you want to ruin those boys' lives by accusing them of rape?"). After thirty-eight years, this woman was brave enough to not only confront her rapist but to write about it for the New York Times. But how many more men and women, young and old, may be suffering in silence under these same assumptions?

Stories like these emphasize the need for programs like BARCC's Community Awareness and Prevention Services program. It is not enough for us to respond to disclosures with empathy and compassion, to help men and women who have been raped or assaulted regain control by empowering them to make decisions regarding their own physical and mental health, to provide them with access to valuable services to help them recover and heal. We must also attack the root of the problem: rapists, and a culture that is permissible of rape. We can see from this story (and from articles like this) that the lessons of victim-blaming are learned young, which means we need to start even younger to combat them. Until we as a community rise up against rapists and not their victims, against the crime of rape and not the circumstances under which it occurs, we all but ensure that terrible stories like this continue to happen. If as CAPS volunteers we can empower one young person to stand up to their friends when they are making rape jokes, or to question the messages they are receiving from their peers and the media, or to intervene when they see someone being targeted or harassed, then we will have done our jobs. If enough individuals stand up against rape culture, we can produce a domino effect to someday ensure that crimes like this do not go unpunished, or at least to make sure that the survivors of these crimes do not feel alone or at fault. No one should have to wait thirty-eight years for that kind of validation.

One more note - social networking tools are making encounters like these far more frequent than anytime B.F. (Before Facebook). Sometimes these encounters can turn out to be ultimately empowering, as in the article above. Other times, particularly for those who do not have the benefit of a solid support system, they can simply be triggering and harmful to the emotional well-being of the survivor. How can we be more attuned to these kinds of encounters happening among our family and friends, and supportive and empowering of someone who might be going through something similar to the author (it happens more often than you'd think!)?

Written by: Alison, a CAPS volunteer

Let’s have some clarifying definitions before continuing on…
Sex: The biological body parts that are associated with either being male or female
Gender presentation: The way a person displays their actual or perceived gender—whether or not that gender is different from the gender identity traditionally assigned to them at birth based on their sex
Transgender: Umbrella term for people who transition from one gender to another or express themselves outside the gender binary system of male and female (can include changes in name or dress, hormone therapy, and/or surgery)
Cisgender: Individuals who have a match between the gender that was assigned at birth, their sex, and personal gender identity

Throughout the video, Taylor frequently referred to the “transgender boys” that GSUSA is allowing to join the chapters.  These individuals that Taylor is referring to, and who have fought hard to be in the Girl Scouts, are actually transgender girls.  GSUSA handbook reflects that any child K-12 who identifies as a girl and is presented as a girl by their family will be accepted into the Girl Scouts.  There will not be any gender test before being admitted.  Personally, I would like to applaud the GSUSA for having such a progressive policy regarding gender and allowing trans girls access to a safe female-only environment.

Transgender girls are not a danger to their cisgender-peers; they are not boys masquerading as girls in order to sneak into single-sex female groups.  They’re girls living the life with which they identify, despite their biological characteristics.  GSUSA creates a safe space for girls to develop their self-esteem and confidence and it should be available to all girls, regardless of sex at birth.  Other societal institutions and organizations should be more focused on how to be more inclusive of all gender identities so that youth are able to explore their gender identities in a healthy and supported way.

It takes an incredible amount of strength and courage for a trans-child and the family to present as their true gender.  There is backlash from neighbors, peers, friends, the school system and other organizations that the child or family may be a part of.  Taylor indicts transgender individuals as perpetrating violence against cisgender girls but in fact, it is often the transgender child who faces constant bullying, harassment, and assault because of their gender presentation.  It is precisely the attitudes and beliefs of their peers and society at large that enforce a narrow idea of what behaviors and appearances are allowed based on gender that lead to much more violence against transgender youth throughout middle and high school than their cisgender-peers.

• For transgender individuals, the median age of the first sexual abuse experience was 14-15 years of age. (National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women. 2009)
• Two-thirds of transgender students felt unsafe in school because of their sexual orientation (69%) and how they expressed their gender (65%) (GLSEN, 2009)
• 74% of transgender youth reported being sexually harassed at school, and 90% of transgender youth reported feeling unsafe at school because of their gender expression. (GLSEN. (2001)

In a recent article, one transgender girl, her twin brother, and parents had to move after they were verbally and physically harassed by other children at school.  For her protection, a teacher was assigned to watch her between classes which she found to be incredibly intrusive.  She was constantly excluded from activities and forced to be with the boys rather than the girls on school trips and during activities. 

Rejection, harassment, and bullying can be harmful to any child but the frequency and severity drastically increases when transgender youth are the target.  These acts of violence and constant encroachments on their safety and personal lives have serious consequences for transgender youth.  About 1/3 of transgender youth have attempted suicide as a result of the discrimination (Clements-Nolle, Marx, Katz. 2006). 

There has been an overwhelming outpouring of support for the GSUSA policy and for the transgender girls who have been brave enough to join the troops.  The amount of support is extremely encouraging and inspiring as it shows the growth and the number of transgender individuals and allies who are willing to speak out publicly against transphobic behaviors.  There is still more progress to be made, as the majority of stories about transgender individuals are often sparked from controversy over progressive and empowering policies, like the GSUSA’s, rather than regularly including them in news coverage.

So buy cookies this year in support and knowledge that GSUSA supports and allows ALL girls to join their troops.

While the information is not new, the film takes the information and presents it in a way that makes it accessible to the new generations.  Many of the films that schools and other organizations have been using are starting to appear dated and therefore the new generations may not absorb as much of the information.  Students will be less likely to relate the information if it references films that are no longer popular or shows that are no longer running.  It is also much easier to state that this is a problem of past generations but not one of today if the materials used are outdated.  The film also uses more technology to show the information.  It is not lecture based with the feeling of a Powerpoint put to film.  It combines visual representations of information with text but uses more recent film techniques to do this.  The film has input from a variety of recognizable men and women who participate in Hollywood, politics, and academia.  It also has input from students in high school and college.  Featuring people that the current generation know can influence how much of the message they absorb, as people are more likely to pay attention to recognizable faces.

At the screening, students were able to identify many of the strengths of the film but also highlighted many areas where it could have been improved.  An improvement that many students discussed was the absence of different types of women.  There were several prominent women of color, such as Condoleezza Rice, Margaret Cho, and Rosario Dawson, but the majority of contributions were from white women.  Additionally, all of the contributors were of a certain socioeconomic class, education level, and physical appearance.  One of my favorite things that former Secretary of State said (paraphrasing of course) was how important it is to have women in the room or else their needs and perspectives won’t be represented.  She gave an example of when Congress was thinking of making changes to Title IX and the importance women played in that discussion in order to block changes. Without women there to tell about how difficult education and sports were before Title IX, it is much easier for men to overlook how important this act is and dismiss it.  Of equal importance, we need perspectives from women of color, from different socioeconomic statuses, and of physical appearances in order to depict a complete picture of the effects of media on women.  We cannot assume that because we have a group of women that it automatically represents the entire population of women across the country. 

One great question that was asked was how to use this knowledge to affect the younger generations through individual actions.  We cannot expect younger generations to have more tolerant and progressive behaviors if we aren’t there to model them.  Youth are going to mimic the culture and norms around them and the cliché “do as I say, not as I do” is not enough to produce behavior change.  We need to step up and model behavior that accepts, respects, and appropriately rewards women and girls’ beliefs, personalities, opinions, and achievements.  We need to actually demonstrate that one’s appearance is not the most important trait of a female.  There are several ways we can do this and include: not commenting on your appearance when passing by a mirror, not commenting on other’s clothing or looks, asking youth why women and girls are wearing heels when they are the main character of an action/rescue move, and changing our conversation topics with girls.  Our own actions and words can influence what a girl thinks is important.  If everyone she meets is focused on how pretty she is or what she wears then that is a message we are sending that is reinforced by the media.  We’re teaching her, and the boys around her, that the most important thing is her appearance.  If, instead, we focus on what she is interested in (books, music, movies, school, hobbies) then we are telling her that her interests and strengths are important and should be listened to and recognized.

Our world is getting increasingly smaller with all the technological changes and innovations.  We are inundated with information each and every day, and it is getting harder and harder for things to break through the clutter to get recognized.  Therefore, media is trying more shocking ads and strategies in order to attract people to their products, sites, and ideas.  This usually means women portrayed in increasingly sexual, degrading, and objectified ways.  Youth are being exposed to these images with little to no intervention.  They are taught how to interpret these images and to recognize why media is portraying women in such horrific ways.  They aren’t told to question what this says about women and girls.  They accept the information and it impacts the way they see the world and the women and girls around them.  This is extremely dangerous.  As a parallel, we do not simply hand car keys to a youth when they are of age to drive.  Teaching about the rules of the road starts when children are small. We learn that red lights mean stop, green lights mean go, and what to do at different traffic signs.  We know what blinkers are for and that there are two pedals.  This information comes from both direct instruction from adults who drive but also from observation.  We don’t expect youth to be able to drive without explicit instruction.  Equally, we should not expect youth to be able to decipher why the media is portraying women and girls in a certain way.  We cannot expect youth to come to their own conclusion that these depictions are degrading and can affect the way society views women and girls. We need to model this, have the conversation, and encourage everyone, especially youth, to question what they see. 

There can be change and we can be a part of it.  I think this film starts the discussion that many people need to have in order to realize the damaging effects the media has on the status of women and how it can and needs to change.

Written by: Stacey

The original definition of rape is the “carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will”.  Let’s parse that out a bit.  “Carnal knowledge” is defined as the “act of a man having sexual bodily connections with a woman” and can occur if the penis penetrates the vagina, however slight.  “Against her will” is defined as “any instances in which the victim is incapable of giving consent because of her temporary or permanent mental or physical incapacity (or because of her youth)”. It is specified that individuals don’t mature at the same rate and that girls as young as 10 or 12 are capable of giving consent in some situations.  The examples that are written in the FBI Uniform Crime Reporting Handbook on page 26 include instances of gang rape, stranger rape, and the use of weapons by the perpetrators.

Where does one start to point out the numerous problems with this definition and is it possible to do it succinctly?  This definition only recognizes that only females can be raped and that only males can be perpetrators as it specifies that the action must include a penis penetrating a vagina.  Therefore it excludes male and transgender survivors.  It also does not recognize that females and transgender people can be perpetrators.  This definition excludes the intentional use of legal substances, such as alcohol, to rape someone.  It stipulates that some girls aged 10-12 are able to give consent, despite the fact that research on child development does not support that.  Additionally, the FBI has a very limited definition of how sex can occur against a woman’s will specifying that there has to be a level of physical force.  This idea is further cemented in the examples of rape the FBI provides as they all have an element of excessive force or a weapon.  The examples that the FBI provides (gang rape, stranger rape, and use of a weapon) represent the small minority of incidents of rape.  Because of all these errors, the FBI misses many survivors of rape when conducting national studies.  Even if states or police jurisdictions define rape more liberally they are only allowed to report the instances of rape that fit into the FBI definition.  As a result, the FBI seriously undercounts the instances of rape as CDC estimates over one million occurred in 2010 but FBI only reported approximately 84,000.

The new definition is more inclusive and states that rape is “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”  Obviously this definition has come a long way from the previous definition and has a lot of positive changes.  However, there are still several problems with it as well. 

First off, if a male or transgender person is forced to have penile-vaginal sex it is still not explicitly rape.  It only recognizes that men can be raped by other men.  This language still focuses on the male as the perpetrator (which is most common) rather than acknowledging that a woman is capable of raping a man as well.  Males have various barriers to reporting rape, including that they are supposed to want sex all the time and that they should be able to defend themselves, and this definition reinforces these ideas but excluding the possibility of penile-vaginal rape by a woman.  Therefore, the statistics will still not be reflective of all the survivors of rape nationwide. 

Its improvements are numerous.  It now includes penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth as counts of rape.  This allows for many more people - females, males, and transgendered - to be counted.  The definition now includes instances where the survivor was incapacitated - whether due to alcohol or drugs - and can not legally give consent.  It also includes the possibility of being raped by an object or a body part other than a penis.  This is an important distinction as it removes some of the assumptions of how rape is inherently a male-female penis-vagina crime.  It removes the necessity of force and turns rather to a lack of consent.  This removes the stipulation of physical force or a weapon in order to be classified as rape.  This is more reflective of the majority of rapes as perpetrators are typically known to the survivor and do not need to use extreme physical force or a weapon. 

The new definition will make statistical nationwide reports about rape to be more accurate and reflective of what is actually happening.  This can lead to increased financial support for rape crisis centers and other organizations that work with survivors or policy dealing with rape.  I don’t believe it should be the final definition of rape as it still excludes some cases but it is far more inclusive than the previous one.

Written by: Stacey

It can be difficult to know how to respond to friend’s disclosure of sexual assault.  Many people think that it’s best to simply ignore the situation and that the survivor will heal faster if the assault is never mentioned.  However, put this theory in a different context: what if someone close to you died or you lost the job you’ve held for the past ten years?  Would life be easier for you if you didn’t talk about it?  Would the hurt and emotional trauma be easier to handle if no one discussed this with you?  I am not comparing sexual violence to losing a job or a loved one.  It is however a traumatic event, just as the other two are.  And most people need to discuss or acknowledge the trauma that has occurred in order to accept it and start on a path to recovery. 

So how should someone respond?  Unfortunately, there isn’t a magical phrase or action you can do to miraculously heal the situation.  The beautiful and, sometimes, difficult, thing about people is that we all respond differently to similar situations.  Therefore what can work for one survivor may not work for another survivor.

What is important is to keep in mind is that this person is your friend.  You have probably seen her or him in a variety of different emotional states and social settings.  Therefore, you can base your responses and behaviors off of these past experiences.  Does your friend typically like to talk about things straight on or in a more roundabout way?  Perhaps it would be better if there was food to be used as an excuse for not immediately responding to a question or statement.  Other options for putting the survivor more at ease about disclosing could include taking a walk, putting on music, or engaging in some other activity at the same time.  Sometimes it can be easier to talk about the sexual violence when it is not the central focus of the conversation but rather just one element of it. 

The best thing you can do is to be supportive of your friend.  Disclosing can be an extremely difficult thing to do, and she/he will typically only tell you if they feel they can absolutely trust you.  Make sure that your questions are pertinent to what you can do to help your friend and what she/he needs rather than requesting for more details about the assault and why she/he engaged in whatever actions beforehand.  It’s okay to fumble a bit when deciding what to say-that’s normal but make sure that what you’re saying is nonjudgmental.  Be sure that you are effectively communicating that the assault was not her/his fault and that you are there to support in any way necessary. 

It’s important to let survivors make their own choices and to support the ones they make.  As previously mentioned, responses to sexual violence can vary widely. Therefore, be prepared to give your friend options about what she/he can do.  An example would be asking your friend if she/he wanted to go to the hospital to get medical treatment and a forensic exam, only medical treatment, or not go to the hospital at all.  There are so many decisions that need to be made and the only one who can make the best decisions is the survivor.  You can be there to lay out what options exist and to discuss how each one might impact the survivor.  But you have to let your friend make those decisions and support that choice.  And that can be difficult sometimes.

While this can be an extremely difficult thing to hear and handle, know that you aren’t alone.  There are so many resources available to help your friend and yourself.  If you’re on a college campus, there are residence life staff, health counselors, and other staff members to assist.  There are many helpful organizations in the community as well, including BARCC.  Oftentimes, these organizations are great at referring to a better place if they are unable to fit your needs or questions.  So don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help because it’s what we’re here for! 

*If you are interested in learning more in depth information about how to respond to disclosures then contact BARCC (engagements@barcc.org) and ask about the different trainings and workshops we do!*

Written by: Stacey

Q: My husband said that while I was fast asleep one night he had intercourse with me. He thinks it’s acceptable since I’m his wife. I feel it’s almost the same as rape. It’s my right to go to sleep and know nothing will happen to me. I should be able to feel safe.
To do that without a person’s consent while they are unaware surely can’t be right. What do you think?
Curious
A: If having “sleep sex” with your husband feels so unsafe, you have bigger marital problems going on. This is what you should be dealing with, more than this one incident.

Disclaimer: I am assuming this question was written by a woman as the majority of other questions are submitted by women.  It is possible that it is a man, as same-sex marriage was nationally recognized in Canada in 2005. 

Let’s be clear: this incident is not “sleep sex” as the columnist suggests but is in fact rape.  It is rape based on how the woman is feeling about the violation and according to the Canadian Criminal Code.  Curious explicitly said that she did not give her husband permission to have sex with her while she was asleep.  She explicitly states that since she has found that out she feels unsafe and that it isn’t right to do while she is unaware.  Based on this information, the columnist should be focused on providing Curious with information on how to address this trauma such as a hotline number to a local rape crisis center or suggestions like counseling.  Since 1983, marital rape has been outlawed in Canada.  Based on this fact, the columnist can also recommend making a police report.  Instead, the columnist decides to downplay Curious’s feelings and her husband’s crime.  First she refers to it as “sleep sex”.  Secondly she states that Curious must be having bigger marital problems if this is upsetting her.  I also think that Curious may be having other marital problems—I am wondering if her husband abuses her in any other way.  I don’t think that this is what Ellie was referring to though.

I think it is deplorable that despite how clear Curious and the Canadian Criminal Code are, this columnist is still so wrong, rude, and careless in her response.  The fact that Curious’s husband does not believe he needs her expressed consent because they are married is extremely troubling.  It took much longer for the category of marital rape to be recognized as a crime and to make it into the criminal code, both in Canada and countries around the world.  Traditional beliefs did not recognize rape within marriage because it was thought that the woman’s body was literally owned by the man and therefore it was not feasible to commit an act of rape against one’s wife. Marriage vows were considered to be a blanket of consent for all sex within the marriage.  It is still one of the most contested aspects of the definition of rape and criminal code and spouses who are raped have a difficult time in having their charges taken seriously.  Despite these traditional values and patriarchal history, the man does not own the woman and he is not entitled to sex whenever he pleases.  The element of consent is required no matter the relationship status between the two people.

This answer is also troubling for the implications it can have past the influence it has on Curious.  As The Star is a widely read news source throughout Toronto and Canada, this opinion can also be read by scores of other people.  These people may have similar experiences to Curious and rather than believe it is a crime they may believe Ellie’s reference, “sleep-sex”.  This terminology could lead people to believe that they are overreacting to their experiences rather than acknowledging what is happening.  There are so many barriers to reporting a rape or sexual assault, especially against someone who you love and trust like a spouse.  Downplaying acts of rape in a popular news source can be detrimental to those who want to report because it could cast doubt in their mind as to whether they’d be believed and supported. 

Written by: Stacey

Here at BARCC, we try to exemplify this ability to speak and listen throughout the work we do and the volunteer programs that we have.  The message and necessity of two lines of communication runs through our three volunteer programs, Hotline, Medical Advocacy (MedAd), and Community Awareness and Prevention Services (CAPS).  All three programs provide very different services but are interconnected through BARCC’s overall mission. 

The BARCC Hotline operates 24 hours a day and 7 days a week and depends heavily on the volunteers to ensure that all these shifts are covered.  In the 2010 calendar year, 2,972 hotline calls were answered which factors out to approximately 8 calls per day.  Hotline counselors answer calls from survivors, significant others, and providers.  They provide crisis counseling, resources and referrals, if needed, to other organizations or to BARCC counseling.  As one volunteer said, “so many times survivors and significant others aren’t heard or understood…our main goal is to provide an environment where the caller is listened to and understood.”  Oftentimes, survivors may not have a support network, have not received a positive response when disclosing to friends or family members, or not disclosed to anyone.  It can be very difficult for a survivor to call a stranger on the Hotline and talk about such sensitive and personal experiences.  Therefore, it is critical for Hotline counselors to be ready to hear what the survivors say so that they know what the main concerns and needs are for each individual and be able to appropriately respond. 

MedAd also operates 24 hours a day and 7 days a week and is dependent on volunteers to respond to hospitals in the Boston area to support survivors who have recently been assaulted and are undergoing the forensic exam.  In the calendar year of 2010, MedAd counselors responded to 338 cases, which is almost one per day.  MedAd counselors provide information about what to expect during and after the forensic exam, who all the different players are, and assisting with emotional and moral support throughout the entire process, which lasts four hours on average.  According to a MedAd volunteer, it is essential to “[meet] survivors where they’re at…[and] to listen to what they tell us about what’s happening for them at that moment.”  MedAd volunteers need to be aware of how the survivor is feeling at that specific moment but also pick up on cues of whether the survivor will be safe when they leave the hospital.  This would not be feasible without intently listening and hearing what each survivor is saying and answering questions and following up on concerns.

The CAPS program provides educational trainings and workshops throughout the Boston area to schools, colleges, DV agencies, youth workers, and other community organizations.  Volunteers facilitate engagements mainly in the evenings and on the weekends.  The curriculum varies from how to respond to disclosures of sexual assault to bystander intervention methods to consent and heavily depends on the contributions and participation of audience members as many of the workshops are interactive.  One of the CAPS volunteers stated “a lot of the work we do in CAPS is about starting conversation…and by listening to one another and having their own voices heard, people can begin to question some of the ways we’re socialized to think about relationships, sex, violence, and power.”  Societal norms and viewpoints do not change overnight but rather require many in depth conversations to identify where misperceptions arise and how they can be addressed.  In order to deliver an effective presentation, CAPS volunteers must be able to listen to the needs and thoughts of the audience and communicate the workshop in a way that resonates. 

Please check out this t-shirt and our new pendant on our website.  Both make great gifts.  Proceeds benefit the services we provide and it’s a great way to show your support all year round!

Written by: Stacey

It’s rare that such an explicit symptom of deeply embedded rape culture surfaces in such a public way, but I have to say that I’m not surprised that this happened, especially on a college campus and behind the walls of a fraternity. Due to the newness of this investigation, it’s difficult to determine the context of the specific question - whether it was asked with specific, criminal intent or in the spirit of the “rape is funny” attitude that permeates everyday exchanges, sitcom banter, and woefully ignorant/insensitive/cheap/unfunny online humor forums. Either way, consider the facts: this “rape survey” was created by young people during a time in which:

- one in five women at college will be sexually assaulted; 
- a victim-blaming lens continues to frame dominant discourse on sexual violence in the media - take, for instance, the Pennsylvania Control Liquor Board’s newest ad targeting teen drinking (TRIGGER WARNING); 
- the language used to describe sexual violence and survivors across media frequently omits the use of the word “rape” or “assault” and is often confounded with language used to described consensual sexual encounters;
- law enforcement officials feel it’s excusable to neglect to investigate over 400 cases of alleged sexual assault to focus on enforcing other laws; and
- college students riot when a beloved football coach is fired for his role in not preventing child rape.

This list could go on for miles, of course. The point is, this specific incident is but one highly visible tree on a broader cultural landscape that tolerates, and even encourages, the act of rape.

With all of that being said - and hear me now, rape culture is still alive and thriving - I am surprised by the gravity of the consequences for the Sigma Phi men thus far, and how this deplorable act is being handled by university administrators, law enforcement, and the national headquarters for the fraternity. We’ve all heard about the tepid, inadequate responses college administrators have had to allegations of sexual assault on their campuses in the past. So, the fact that the UVM Sigma Phi Epsilon members have been indefinitely suspended by UVM administrators and subjected to investigations of the university, campus police and the fraternity’s headquarters is, to me, an important first step and one that defies my conditioned expectations of how these institutions normally deal with rape culture on campus. Additionally, it’s important to note that a student felt empowered to come forward with this information to college administrators, and that this survey, in and of itself, was deemed enough of a threat to campus life and security to require redress. Beyond the UVM campus, this story has also quickly generated a firestorm of media coverage and pushback, echoing across national headlines and prompting a number of responses from UVM professors, students and even a petition created by “Feminists at UVM” to shut down the UVM Chapter of Sigma Phi Epsilon. 

I’m sort of in awe of how much attention this survey has generated I can’t help but feel like the visibility of anti-rape activism and dialogue throughout 2011, from the NPR investigation of rape on college campuses that spurred a response from the Obama administration, to conversations for and against SlutWalk, drew enough attention to assault on college campuses to at least keep these UVM administrators vigilant and ready to act quickly. I think that suspending these fraternity members and launching an investigation about the origins and intent of the survey is a crucial first step in addressing such a heinous symptom of deeply embedded rape culture within fraternities, and on college campuses more generally. However, it’s definitely not a 100% “win” for the anti-rape movement, and I’d argue that all the collective steps that it took for the rape survey backlash to get to this point - the courage of a student to come forward, how this information was received by UVM administrators, the proportionate media coverage it’s generated, and the fervor with which the investigation is being carried out - would not be possible without consistent, vigilant, mindful advocacy, activism, and pushback. This is why it’s critical to continue to demand accountability - not only when someone is raped or assaulted, but when there are elements of rape culture staring us squarely in the eye.

Written by: Tierney,  Development Associate

Buzzfeed recently posted a list of 7 popular songs that are “too rapey”.  There are several classic choices listed - Lionel Ritchie’s stalker anthem, “Hello”, as well as the cheery-yet-undeniably-date-rapish holiday tune, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”. Buzzfeed is a pop culture criticism website, so it’s nice to see them unabashedly approaching the issue of rape culture, and doing it with a sense of humor. But what really stuck out to me were the comments below (I know, I know. I should stop reading comments if I want to maintain some semblance of faith in humanity, but alas, I always end up reading them anyway, like a moth to a patriarchal flame). While many of the commenters got into the spirit of the post, offering up their own examples of disturbing pop songs celebrating various forms of rape and sexual assault, there were also some who took issue with the assertion that songs like Jamie Foxx’s “Blame It On The Alcohol” had anything wrong with it. “Girls play hard to get…The ‘too rapey’ thing is too harsh,” says one commenter. Another: “Brown Sugar, Little Girls, and Hello are the only 3 you can say something about…the other ones have absolutely nothing perverted about them”. As internet commentary about issues of rape and sexual assault goes, this is actually pretty tame. Despite that, I found it interesting that what most people took issue with were the songs that refer to (and glorify) what is commonly known as “date rape”.

During my training as a BARCC CAPS volunteer, a group of fellow volunteers did a presentation on popular songs that deal with the issue of rape and sexual assault. One of those mentioned was Jamie Foxx’s “Blame It On The Alcohol”. Full disclosure: I hated this song before I knew the lyrics; autotune is not my thing. But reading the lyrics at that presentation shed a whole new light on my dislike. Lyrics like “Just one more round and you’re down”, “couple more shots you open up like a book”, and “Shawty got drunk thought it all was a dream”, are so blatantly celebratory of rape that it’s almost shocking how much play this song gets in clubs (or not, depending on your familiarity with the pervasiveness of rape culture). Two of the other songs on the list deal with similar themes, namely “Tell Me More” from Grease (“tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?”) and “Baby It’s Cold Outside” (notably “say, what’s in this drink”, and “the answer is no”, followed by more pressure and pouring of alcohol from the man in question). And while some people - i.e. commenters on websites like Buzzfeed - insist that we’‘e reading too much into these lyrics, they shed light on an incredibly prevalent theme in our society. Namely, women don’t want sex (“girls play hard to get”), and have to be persuaded into it by any means necessary.

The blatancy of this message varies across cultural touch-points. I went to a Southern Baptist high school, where the sex ed consisted of analogizing sexually active females to dirty lollipops, and the directives we received were less about using condoms and other forms of birth control, and more about women a) not dressing in sexually suggestive clothing, so as not to tempt men, and b) not allowing ourselves to get into any remotely sexual situations with men, because “they have a harder time controlling themselves”. The message was clear: women were not inherently sexual beings, and were therefore in charge of keeping men’s sexual impulses under control. In other forms of media, this message is perhaps a little less blatant but still unmistakable: in the song “Blame It On The Alcohol”, for instance, you can find the following lyrics: “She say she usually don’t, but I know that she front cause shawty know what she want, but she don’t wanna seem like she easy”. The implication being: of course she wants sex, but she doesn’t want to seem like a slut, so you have to get her drunk first to get rid of those pesky inhibitions. After which point, “no telling what I’m gonna do” (seriously, this song should be put on the sexual predator watch list). You find the same message in multiple films and television shows - women must be convinced into sex, any way possible. The message this reinforces with young men is, don’t look for a yes, because you’ll never get it. Just try to get past a no, whether by dulling a woman’s ability to voice “no” with drugs and alcohol, or just ignoring her because let’s be honest, you know what she wants better than she does.

Here’s why I reject those notions, besides the obvious reason that women have their own sexual agency and should be allowed to exercise it how they see fit: perhaps less obviously, I reject these messages because what they say about men. I don’t believe my Southern Baptist school when they say that men are no better than beasts, unable to control their basest impulses. I don’t believe Jamie Foxx when he asserts that the best way to get a girl into bed is to get her drunk. I have more faith in men than that. The men I know and love are able to treat the women around them with respect. They treat sex not as a power struggle but as a consensual act that both partners should be enthusiastic about (hence the term “enthusiastic consent”). These men (including many of those with whom I volunteer with at BARCC) give me hope that together we can continue to combat rape culture in our communities.

Just one more note: it’s not a crime to have enjoyed any of the songs listed here. I myself am still somewhat heartbroken about the barely hidden messages in “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”, mostly because Zooey Deschanel’s version is so adorable it makes my teeth hurt. Rape culture has become so pervasive in our society that it is barely noticeable to many people. So this holiday season, don’t condemn your friends and family if “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is featured on their playlist; use it as an opportunity to start a conversation (because who doesn’t want to discuss rape and sexual assault at a holiday party!).   

Any thoughts on messages you’ve been receiving lately from pop cultural mediums about rape culture, whether positive or negative? Leave them below.

Written by: Alison, a CAPS volunteer

Despite the high stats of how many women and men are affected, the reporting statistics are much much smaller.  According to statistics, there were approximately 19,000 incidents in 2010.  However, only 3,158 were reported and of those only 529 were prosecuted.  That means that approximately 16,000 survivors of sexual assault are not receiving the assistance that they need and deserve.  These statistics need to change.

Congresswoman Jackie Speier (D-CA) introduced a new bill to Congress on November 16, 2011 titled the Sexual Assault Training Oversight and Protection Act (STOP Act for short) in order to present a better model to address the many reports of sexual assault in the military that do not reach prosecution and the many more incidents of military sexual assault which are not reported at all.  (Bill here: http://www.speier.house.gov/images/stopactsummary.pdf).  According to the bill, the following changes would be made:

• The creation of an autonomous Sexual Assault Oversight and Response Office that is staffed by both military and civilian personnel.
• The creation of a sexual assault database within DoD that is required to share information with Department of Justice (DoJ) civilian sexual offender database
• Ensure all victims are provided safety and security
• Have authority to reassign a victim to separate them from assailant
• Create new method of reporting rather than having the report go through the Chain of Command (CoC)
• Work with Military investigative organizations
• Work with different branches of the military to provide contact info for Sexual Assault Grievance Board

There are a couple of problems with the STOP Act that will hopefully be sorted out before it passes into law.  First off, an established protocol and procedure needs to be made for those serving in remote and isolated locations, such as Afghanistan.  These individuals and locations typically do not have a Sexual Assault Response Coordinator (SARC) or Victim Advocate readily available.  Therefore, it is fair to assume that it would also be difficult for them to be able to easily access the Sexual Assault Oversight and Response Office.  It is imperative that these service members have the same access to services that their comrades do.  Secondly, the Act gives the Sexual Assault Oversight and Response Office the power to reassign the victim in order to separate them from the assailant.  This can be very detrimental for the survivor as all of her/his friends may be in the original unit and it is very important for a survivor to have a support network in order to start the recovery path.  I would hope that this decision would be made in conjunction with what the survivor wants or the language could change so that it is the assailant who is removed.

However, if properly implemented, the STOP Act has the potential to remove many barriers to reporting a sexual assault and can be a great step towards providing better and much needed services for military members.  It would create an autonomous Sexual Assault Oversight and Response Office that is staffed by both military and civilian personnel.  Military personnel would be able to provide their expertise on the many barriers that exist for service members to report and the proper language to use with which service members would identify.  Civilian personnel would be able to ensure that the military CoC is not overpowering service members who want to make a report.  It would be a sort of checks and balances in addition to a combination of a variety of different knowledge bases and points of views.

  It would also create the possibility for people to report outside of their CoC. According to SAPRO, the majority of survivors (71%) are under 24 years old and are in the lower ranks; whereas the majority of assailants (59.5%) are between 20 and 34 and a higher rank than the survivor.  Oftentimes they work in the same unit and therefore the survivor may feel that if a report is made through the CoC it could get back to the assailant.  Additionally, survivors may be scared that their actions, such as underage drinking or fraternization, may be cause for punishment.  The threat or fear of being reprimanded is enough to silence many survivors or have them recant their stories.  The creation of an independent office would remove the necessity of informing the CoC and could assist in removing these barriers to reporting.

Military groups are extremely small communities and it is impossible to guarantee that confidential information will only stay with those who have a ‘need-to-know’.  Either through rumors started by fellow service members or the assailant or because of a change in behavior in the survivor, a confidential report can quickly become common knowledge within a command.  Therefore, handling these cases within a separate office could be an added layer of protection against fellow service members from learning and gossiping about the assault or survivor.

The STOP Act would prohibit non-judicial punishments (NJP) from being used for those who are charged with sexual assault.  Much like in civilian court, military members are able to plead guilty to lesser charges and therefore receive an NJP (such as demotion, a dock in pay, covering night shifts, etc) rather than have to be processed through a Court Martial and be charged with a sexual offense.  It may appeal to offenders more to have a lesser offense on record then chance a Court Martial and being convicted as a sex offender.  Hopefully the STOP Act would enable more cases to be processed through as what they are - sexual assault and rape - rather than plead down to lesser crimes.

Continue to follow this bill as it goes through the House and Senate (H.R. 3435).  Our service members deserve to have the proper options and resources after a sexual assault.

I do not walk down the street hoping that some man is going to shower me with references to my body or some sexual act.  Men need to understand that their comments and gestures are not compliments.  I do not need strangers commenting on my body in order to make me feel good about myself or to have a happy and complete day.  In fact it’s the exact opposite, these comments can ruin a perfectly good morning, afternoon, or day depending on the extent of the harassment.  Sexual and street harassment is an objectification of the woman.  She is no longer an entire person.  Instead, she is an object for the sexual pleasure and viewing of men. 

It can be completely exhausting to try and address each incident, but how do we decide which ones are worthy of our attention?  Should it be the ones that are verbal and said directly to us?  Should we ignore the physical gestures without verbal comments because, honestly, how does one address that without being told the movement was misinterpreted?  Should it depend on how many harassers there are - one is okay to address but if he’s with three friends maybe we should stand down?  Should it be like a random scientific experiment in which we do every third harasser?

And how should women be addressing it?  I’ve employed a variety of methods that don’t seem to be terribly effective.  I have ignored it and this only inflicts a barrage of insults thrown at me since I am not giving the harasser the attention he wants and thinks he deserves.  I have told harassers to shove off (but with a couple of other choice words) and this creates either laughter or insults from the harasser.  I have directly address the harasser and informed him that his behavior is sexual harassment, that is it unwanted, and then an explanation of how it makes not just me, but women in general feel.  This option always takes the longest and sometimes I just don’t have the time or energy for it.  While running to catch the train or make a meeting on time, I just don’t have the time to stop and engage in a ‘teachable moment’ with every other man on the street.  Therefore this harassment is left unchecked which is a form of quiet acquiescence on my part even though it leaves me seething as I quickly move to where I need to go. 

This is why I am so excited to know about Luce Tomlin-Brenner’s stand-up comedy.  She takes her experiences of street harassment and turns them into hilarious and educational sets.  It is so refreshing to see this new approach to addressing the problem.  Instead of addressing individuals after an episode of harassment, she tries to educate an entire room of people about how often women experience harassment and how degrading it is.  Comedy can be an excellent way to address issues as it offers the ability to talk about high-charged topics in a fun, safe, and humorous way.  Oftentimes women are told to lighten up or to get a sense of humor when they negatively react to street harassment.  When Tomlin-Brenner uses comedy, it cancels out that argument as she is relying on a light and comedic atmosphere to present this heavy material.  Using this format can help to defuse some of the defensiveness which typically arises when talking about street harassment in other forums.  In previous interviews about her comedy, she states that she has had men approach her after shows and comment that they never knew that street harassment had such an upsetting effect on women.  Her comedy has been able to reach scores of people who may have never thought of street harassment as a dangerous activity.  The first steps to shifting cultural norms is recognizing, naming, and acknowledging the problem.  Tomlin-Brenner’s comedy is able to do this.  See the clips below and be sure to check her out if she comes to a town near you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMQAIVAPRtY Oversharing by Luce Tomlin-Brenner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQQwQp4mBtw Luce Tomlin-Brenner at SlutWalk DC 2011

Written by: Stacey

While many people often look forward to the holidays every year and take the impending stress as a small cost for being with loved ones, I also know that many do not look forward to the holidays and in fact dread their upcoming arrival.  The holidays can be an extremely stressful and difficult time for many survivors of sexual assault and rape.  In addition to all the previously mentioned stressors of the holidays, they can face many more barriers and anxieties while trying to get through the upcoming holiday heavy weeks. 

How might a survivor see and experience the holidays differently?

1. A survivor may have never told family members about an assault or act of incest that happened between them and a family member or family friend.  Alternatively, a survivor’s family may not have believed them or decided it was best to ‘sweep it under the rug’ and not address it.  The survivor is therefore left each holiday with a horrible choice: return home and celebrate the holidays with the perpetrator and people who either don’t know or were hostile towards the report or to stay away and miss being with their family.
2. A survivor may have told family members about the assault and been positively supported.  However, they are constantly reminded of the perpetrator each time they return home because of pictures, stories, or people.
3. Work colleagues and acquaintances frequently bring up the holidays as an easy conversation topic.  A survivor may not feel comfortable talking about why they are not going home or anywhere else for the holidays nor might they be comfortable lying about their plans.  Therefore, they could face a numerous questions about their choices with no real way to answer them.  Considering the number of acquaintances people interact with, this conversation can happen multiple times per day.
4. Alcohol is frequently used at holiday events: corporate parties, family gatherings, and celebrations with friends.  If the assault involved alcohol, then the survivor may be stressed about being involved in so many events where drinking is taking place with people that the survivor may or may not know very well.  The survivor may feel that they lose control of a lot of factors when alcohol is brought into the environment.
5. Airport security screenings are becoming increasingly invasive.  The new x-ray machine can cause fear that guards are able to see them naked.  Alternatively, the survivor can choose to be screened by a guard but that involves being touched, which could be even more triggering or traumatizing for the survivor.
6. Media, stores, and consumer areas are inundated with ‘happy people’, ‘happy families’, and repetitive holiday themed music and decorations.  This serves as a constant reminder to survivors that it is holiday season and while the majority of people are excited and happy, they are not feeling a similar way.  It could leave them feeling further disconnected from society or guilty for not being able to take part in the holiday festivities.
7. The assault may have happened around the holidays and many aspects about preparing for the holiday season can be triggering.
8. Survivors may have a lot of anxiety being around large crowds and strangers.  The frequency of these occurrences will increase with daily activities as more people are out and about getting shopping or decorating done.  There will be bigger crowds on the sidewalk, longer lines in the supermarket and other stores and in public transit stations.  This will also occur during travel: airports, gas stations, roads, bus and train stations are all going to be more and more crowded.
9. Holidays are a time when many people celebrate religion and make a better effort to go to the religious institution of their choice.  Survivors may feel betrayed by their religion or spiritual beliefs because of the assault. Frequent invitations to religious ceremonies and increased advertising by religious institutions can serve to be a reminder of these feelings of betrayal. 

CAN YOU THINK OF ANY OTHERS?

It is not always possible to know the reasons why people seem overly-stressed or anxious during the holiday season.  Although someone’s actions may not make sense to you, it is always a good idea to keep in mind that they could be dealing with a personal traumatic event, whether that is a sexual assault or not.  Acknowledge that these next several weeks have different meanings for everyone and that some people are just focused on surviving.  Be open and non-judgmental to the diverse reactions that people may have.  Know the proper resources where you can refer survivors.  (BARCC has a great 24-7 hotline!)  Most of all, be ready to listen and support friends, family, or colleagues who may reach out to you for help. 

Facebook ignored requests to remove the pages for months based on the reasoning that these pages were based on jokes rather than encouragement to rape or sexually assault women.  Many people and advocates did not agree with this reason and believed that it was hateful and violent speech and therefore should be banned based on Facebook’s own Terms of Service.  Rather than quitting after being constantly ignored by Facebook, a Change.org petition was created and over 180,000 signatures were obtained and a Twitter day of action was enacted on November 2. 

The movement created within the social media world - Change.org, Twitter, and even Facebook itself - was picked up by many news sources.  These pro-rape pages gained enough negative attention and public disapproval that major advertisers such as Sony, American Express, and Blackberry demanded that their ads be removed from these pages. 

What is so inspiring is the persistence of these tens of thousands of people who were committed to removing these pages.  They refused to listen to Facebook’s initial responses and demanded attention from a variety of different tactics.  This dedication and perseverance speaks volumes about the progress that our society and culture has made in regards to rape culture and what is considered acceptable behavior.  There is a difference between freedom of speech and hateful speech and many more people are recognizing language which is violent towards women is unacceptable and problematic within society at large.  It is incredible that an online campaign was able to obtain and maintain such strong momentum and forced Facebook to listen and pull the content.  If people had quietly fumed at Facebook or thought their individual thoughts did not matter then this outcome could not have been possible.  It required for individuals to be outraged and then to band together across cities, states, and countries to create enough of an uprising against Facebook to be heard.  Thank-you to the many people who participated, shared this information with friends, family, and acquaintances and created such a strong movement.  Your voices matter and you made sure that they were heard.  Congratulations.

It is stories like these that gives me and others hope that it is possible to change our culture and that there are numerous platforms on which to wage this fight.  It is going to take the work of many people and this story shows that there countless people out there who would like to see a world free of sexual violence and the rape culture that currently exists.

I would love to hear your reactions to either the creation of the pages, Facebook’s actions, or the actions of people to remove these pages. 

Written by: Stacey

On top of all of that, our statistical likelihood of getting assaulted is higher than the average woman- 1 in 4 versus 1 in 6. The high rate of toxic alcohol consumption partnered with a culture that both shames us for our behavior and dress, while telling us that "You are safe among students, this is your community" creates a veritable wasteland for college women.

Victim blaming has a shining pedestal when you are at university. Our campus police have gotten into the habit of sending emails that say "Watch your drink. Dress modestly. Go home with a friend," like any of that is the true cause of sexual assault. No matter how careful you are, you might get hurt. I partied a lot as a freshman, utterly sober and there for the purpose of watching out for my wisdom-lacking roommates. I can promise you that every single party of that blur of a year featured all of us being touched without consent, thrust mystery drinks into our hands, and men shaming us at the door for not dressing immodestly enough. It's as if they are expecting us to give them an excuse to attack us, as if victim blaming is so ingrained into college culture that provocative displays are expected and par for the course-and gives reason for a "youthful indiscretion". And, trust me, rape on college campuses is often see as an indiscretion, a mistake, and not a crime. What is it about a diploma that gives people sudden criminal consequences for their actions?

These are just some of the reasons I became a part of BARCC. This system is broken, and in the university microcosm, those problems are painfully obvious. College is supposed to be the best time of your life, but for many, it is a time of weariness and pain. And it has to stop. My name is Sarah-but you can just call me your friendly campus warrior. I'll be posting regularly on the BARCC blog, but don't worry-no midterms on this material.

Written by: Sarah

‘Amber Cole’ did not engage in these activities by herself, nor did she tape herself in this situation.  There was a boy who was receiving oral sex, one of his male friends who was watching, and a second male friend who was videotaping.  An exceedingly small portion of media and public attention is focused on any of these three boys.  People are questioning where the girl’s parents are, why she chose to do this in the back of the school, why she opened herself up to the risk of being videotaped and blasted all over the Internet, and what type of reputation does she want to have.  Media sources are referring to it as the ‘Amber Cole’ scandal and video.  Where is the discussion about the three other people in this situation?  All three of these boys made decisions as well.  One decided to ask for oral sex from the girl, one decided to video-tape it, one decided to stand and watch.  Additionally, someone decided to post it online. Why aren’t people asking about the boys’ decisions and actions in this situation?  Both the public and the media are ignoring these male participants and creating a discussion based solely around the female participant.

One aspect that I find disturbing is how this girl can be criticized for giving oral sex behind a school building but the boy is not criticized for asking for it behind a school building.  Society does not question or shame boys for asking for sex and, it appears to me, actually expects them to ask and engage in sexual acts.  On the flip side, society still expects girls to be the control factor in these situations, to say no, and to maintain their impeccable moral character.  These expectations remove the responsibility that the boys have in this scenario and places all of it square on the shoulders of ‘Amber Cole’.  Several news stories have posted about the countless number of hateful and deplorable postings her FB and Twitter page received before she had to take them down.  None of the articles focused on the backlash that the boys received, which leads to the assumption that they did not receive much negative attention to their personal pages. 

Another aspect that is problematic is the percentage of media and general public blame the girl for the creation of video and its viral status within the social media world.  Why should ‘Amber’ in this case be responsible for the boys’ actions?  She did not create this video nor did she decide to post it on Facebook and YouTube so that countless other teenagers and adults could view it.  The boy who had the camera created this video and it is debatable whether she even knew a recording was being made.  The boy receiving oral sex saw the camera as did his male friend standing nearby but Amber was already facing away from the camera when the video started.  The boys, as the initial holders and distributors of the video, are responsible for how it went viral, whether they uploaded it directly or sent it out by cell and one of their friends uploaded it..  The discussion should focus on why these boys thought it was appropriate to make a video in the first place and then distribute it, rather than on how this girl should expect to be videotaped. 

The last discussion point I want to make, although it is certainly not the last problem, is the length of time it took for the video to be removed from YouTube and the number of viewers who sought out the video.  This video is of two teenagers, at least one of whom is 14 years old. YouTube has explicit guidelines that pornographic and sexually explicit material cannot be posted on the site.  Therefore, even if these two people were of proper age to be in a pornographic video and had full knowledge and gave full consent, this material is NOT allowed on YouTube.  Secondly, YouTube states that they work with law enforcement and report any material that could contain child exploitation.  However, despite the viral status of the video, it took YouTube four days in order to remove the video from their site.  During these four days, thousands of people, adults included, flocked to YouTube to watch a 14-year-old girl give oral sex to her ex-boyfriend and then sent the link to others so that they could tune in as well.  How are the actions of these people any different from those who send around pornographic material of children and teens?  The content and circulation of both of these types of material are harmful and exploitative to the minors who are involved.  The fact that this video was posted to a public social media website does not negate the fact that it includes minors engaging in sexual behaviors.  YouTube should have acted faster to remove the content and the viewers should have flagged the content rather than passing it on to others.

Written by: Stacey